One of the couples we are training in Marriage Coaching live in an Asian country where help for marriage and family is scarce, but the need is overwhelming. Jim and Sylvia (not real names) have big hearts and want to be as helpful to as many as possible, especially because their own marriage has benefited so much from Marriage Coaching. Today, after being asked to take on a third couple they asked a great question, How much is too much? How many couples can we handle?
The irony of Marriage Coaching (or any people-helping endeavor) is that too much can put one's own marriage at risk. How? Here is what we have learned:
1. Helping others takes time and energy. Both commodities are limited. There are 168 hours in a week, and energy is obviously limited (especially for middle-aged couples and older). Marriage Coaching couples must be careful to spend adequate time building and sustaining closeness in their own marriage so that they care for other couples from a place of personal health and fulfillment, not on fumes.
2. How Marriage Coaching couples carry the responsibility of helping makes a difference. The beauty and blessing of the coaching approach is that it is specific about the principle that others are responsible for their own life. All decisions about their relationship belong to the couple being coached. Whether or not they work hard in good faith on their marriage is up to them, and not the responsibility of the Marriage Coaching couple. When the responsibility for improving a marriage is carried more by the couple being coached than the Marriage Coaching couple there is less burden and more energy available to help more people.
3. Seasons of life make a difference. Jill and I have weathered taxing seasons of parenting and other life transition. During periods of personal stress, we've not been able to help as many couples as compared to times of bountiful blessing and peace.
There are other factors that play a role in how much a couple can handle, but the principle is this: You can handle as much as you want as long as adequate time and energy are dedicated to sustaining an abundantly pleasurable and joyful relationship for yourselves. As with most things in life, this is a balance between giving and receiving; giving to others and receiving care from one another in your own marriage.
Don't be afraid to say no, or not now. Take control of your schedule and make sure to make time to nurture and strengthen yourselves before giving to others. Remember, who you are and what you've won in authentic personal growth is what you have to give others. Caring for yourself isn't selfish. Rather, it is loving to others in so much as the quality of care they get from you is from the overflow of your own abundance.
Blessings on your coaching!
Jeff and Jill Williams
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment